A Change of Topic

[Chris G]

Sounds like everyone needs a wee change of atmosphere.

As many of you already know, I made the trek back to Georgia from Ojai this last week. Here's a little story about crossing through Texas.

I left Ojai mid-morning of the inauguration. I drove straight through to some desolate town in West Texas on the first day and a half, driving through the night and napping at the occasional rest stop. Leaving the next morning from a Motel 6 I found myself once again on route 10, just East of Dallas, working my way toward Louisiana. The speed limit was 70 and I was clipping along in cruise control at the limit. Ahead of me was a large black SUV moving at 65. It wasn't until I was less than 25 yards from him that I realized he had police lights on the top. I had nothing to worry about being that I wasn't speeding so I kicked on the blinkers and pulled into the left lane to pass him. After passing, I simultaneously kick on the blinkers and pull back into the right lane. Almost immediately the lights come on. (*%(@! He can't possibly be nailing me for speeding! I pull off onto the grass on the right and he follows. I roll down my passenger window and before he reaches the back doors I can hear him call through "get pulled over often?". "Uh...no...this would be a first." He asks for my license and proof of insurance which I had to rummage for because it's was Natasha's car. He notices that I've got the nervous shakes and mentions it to me. I said I was fine. He asks if I've ever been arrested. "Uh...no." He asks me where I was going and I felt compelled to tell him that I was driving home after visiting my parents, that this was my girlfriends car, and that it's still registered in Ca. He asked what I did for a living. I said "I teach paragliding" and he continued to stare at my license the way one might if they didn't want to admit that they had no idea WTF you just said. He stood up, said he was going to run my license, and walked back to his truck. A few minutes later he returns to my passenger side window and says "Please come back here." Clearly this guy thought I was up to no good. I rolled my windows up so the dogs couldn't escape onto route 10 and got out of the car. He was standing at the back of my car and as I walk back he looks me over from top to bottom. That's when I realized what my first mistake was. I was wearing my loudest tie-dye T-shirt and was sprouting the winter beard while driving through Texas. As I rounded the back of the car I realized my third mistake. Tasha has a huge Obama sticker on the back window. Right away he asks, "Do you ever partake of the wacky-weed?" Seriously? Wacky-weed? I wasn't aware that playskool was into the drug trade and I couldn't help but chuckle when I said "uh no". He looks at me again and says "Because if you have any on you, you should tell me now." I mentioned that I don't even drink and that seemed to satisfy his pushiness for the moment. He was however, still curious as to how I was driving home with California plates and I had to explain to him the traveling, the girlfriend in Georgia, etc. He wanted to know what school she was at and what she studied and that's where I made my third mistake. "Oh, she studies Plant Biology/Molecular Genetics" and as it left my mouth I realized that was the wrong thing to say. His ears went up like a jack russell terrier that's just spotted a mouse. "Are you SURE you don't have any weed on you?" I reaffirmed my non-weediness. "Are you sure she's not hydroponically growing weed?" I was pretty sure. "And you're not coming back from California after filling a medical marijuana prescription?" I was pretty sure of that too. I'm sure I spouted all sorts of other nonsense now that this guy had my nerves seriously fired up but he finally let off grilling me about transporting drugs. In the end he gave me a "warning" for using my turn signal 1/2 second too late.
So the next time Big Spring, Texas hosts a big comp and all you like-minded hippies go truckin' out there, remember to cover your stickers, hide your Tie-Dyes, and try to look normal! It'll save you 20 minutes of getting grilled by the county mounty.

[gary begley]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8E_zMLCRNg

[brendanpegg]

Good post Chris.

I have always suspected that you burned one every now and then too.

Good thing you weren't wearing your Hasidic beard, middle eastern lid, and bragging about your taliban moniker. We might never have seen you again.

[Kelly S]

Thanks for the post Chris.
It brought back memories.
Remind me to tell you about three days in jail in Liberty Texas for "Soliciting without a permit" sometime.

[Chris G]

It's a weird feeling being profiled. Especially when I'm such a ridiculous square.